Cleanse Me

So, I’m thinking of doing a cleanse. I know. I KNOW. I know what you’re going to say, just hear me out.

Basically, I need a mile-marker. I’ve stop-started this whole “change my eating habits” thing so many times, the lines between healthy eating and disordered overeating have blurred. I need some delineation. I need to get out of the “okay, starting tomorrow! okay, maybe not. starting tomorrow! oops, ruined it. starting tomorrow!” rut. I need to flip the script on this shit.

At first, I was honestly considering doing a juice fast/cleanse. I felt like, even though it isn’t the healthiest method, it would give my metabolism a goose and just get me in the mindset of making big changes. I’ve gotten suggestions for Clean Program (21 days, whoa!) and the Blueprint Cleanse, which is customizable to however many days you want to run it. Two things I noticed about these:

  1. These companies had 8923748932 different reasons why you should do their cleanses, to detox your body and get rid of impurities, but didn’t have a lot of scientific explanations for their claims, and
  2. HOLY BUCKETS, DID YOU SEE THE PRICES? Oh mah gah, prepackaged cleanses are expensive!

Then I peeked at the “Master Cleanse“, that one where you drink juice with cayenne pepper in it. No prepackaged crap, but honestly? I don’t like how they’re pandering to the “I wanna lose 20lbs in 3 days!” crowd. Also, I really just don’t like lemonade that much. Or at all. Blech.

So what’s a poor little vegetarian girl supposed to do to detox from a terrible diet? Why, GO VEGAN OF COURSE! Actually, I’m going to come at the detox from two angles: vegan and grain-free. I’m one of those terrible vegetarians who, instead of replacing the meat in their diets with wholesome vegetables and fruits, instead started loading up on carbs. I already know that I’ve got an unhealthy relationship with white flour and simple sugars, so I think we need some time apart, to think things over. Veganism will just be a little bonus.

I’ve already got pretty good practice at label-reading because of my vegetarianism, so this’ll just take it a little step further. And I couldn’t choose a better time to fill my diet with fresh veggies and fruits. I’ll do it for a week, and see where I want to go from there. I’m probably going to be pretty angry for the first few days. WHEEE!


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