I had a mini angst-fest on Twitter yesterday about my relationship with food, which I think is something I really need to work out for myself. Here are some of the things I wrote:
I should be able to drop weight simply by controlling my diet/eating habits, right? It should be easy. It seems logically easy. It never is.
I make these pie-in-the-sky plans to sit down and plan out a balanced diet, menu-plan, food pyramid, etc. It’s too complicated.
I know I need to go simpler. I feel like school is maybe draining my willpower? Like, I only have so much, and the well is dry.
Then I balk and say to myself, “I enjoy tasty food! Why do I need to deprive myself of that?!” So there’s some sulking, too.
Maybe I’m tainted by my need for instant-gratification? Scale doesn’t move the next day after “being good”, so I say fuck it.
Using school as an excuse is really convenient, but let’s face it: I haven’t been in school forever. In fact, there have been long periods of my life in between school stints where I have still been heavy. So, what’s the deal? Maybe I need to read some self-help books on overeating? I don’t want to sit through an encyclopedia of schmaltz. Do I need to try attending some Overeater’s Anonymous meetings? I don’t think I can deal with the religious aspect and giving up my will to a higher power that goes along with that.
What is it that I need?